Leaf #6 (About Headaches)

I don’t think there is still one single person with whom I haven’t argued today yet. I have this terrible headache that isn’t really a headache, but which we call headache because we don’t know what it is for real, and because we just want to give the feeling we’re going through this greatest pain in the world, but holding ourselves together like brave soldiers. Come to think of it, I haven’t really had a real headache in my life. I have this theory about pain: One can only get sick if one wants to be sick. So, supposedly, you can fight sickness with the power of your mind. It’s crappy you may say, but the last time I was in real pain (regardless of my monthly sufferings, which I’m even learning to control) was a year ago (touch wood allah ykhallikon). Generally, it’s all about keeping yourself busy with something else, and of course all about the power of denial: just keep telling yourself “no, it doesn’t hurt that much yet… no, not yet… not yet…” As a result, I was once rushed into the dentist’s office, on a Friday (yes, we had to bring him there on a Friday), due to an unbearable pain in a tooth. After examining me, he was like: “What!!! How have you been putting up with this? You should have been in my clinic weeks ago!”
Right now, I feel I need to shout, but something inside of me is still whispering: not yet, not yet…